Who hasn't seen or heard about the strange warning labels that are starting to pop up on just about everything these days? During the last year, several collections of absurd warning labels found on consumer products, bearing admonitions to the user ranging from inept to frightening, have been making the e-mail rounds. A new release from St. Martin's Press, The Warning Label Book, rounds up a recent sampling of strange warning labels, along with some zingy rejoinders for their authors. So pervasive are these labels that they have become a trope for the litigious ambiance of public life (at least in the U.S.), and the blunt correctives afforded by a legal system which has allowed the bar to go too low. Common sense is no longer common, and the inanities of warning labels collectively lecture us on the moronic actions of a handful of individuals whose grip on reality can only be described as tenuous.
WARNING: The consumer eats this apple at his or her own risk. Consumption of this apple has been forbidden by God ("Grower"). Eating of this fruit will lead to the knowledge of good and evil; shame, pain and mortality; loss of Grace and expulsion from the Garden of Eden. The Grower assumes no responsibility for any damages arising from the consumption of this apple, including but not limited to loss of immortality and access to the Garden. By eating this apple or any other apple from the Tree of Life, the consumer hereby revokes all right to further legal remedy, and agrees to hold harmless the Grower of this apple for any and all damages that may occur.