What is love? Bradley Ghoulrich proposed, taking up where the
two relative novices of the previous chapter had left off. As one who
has devoted his lifehas given his lifeto the subject, I feel I
possess no small degree of expertise in the matter.
I am not denying that, Lutwidge Finch said, keeping his eyes on
the portion of clear broth, a spoonful of which Bradley would maddeningly
raise to his lips, and then, letting his mind wander, spill back into the
bowl. What was it you saw in him?
Champagne. He looked down at the spoon in surprise, as if puzzled
the portion was still full. Vintage Krug. The label handwritten. The
particular vineyard and field specified. One does not so much drink it as
perform a marriage ceremony with the glass. With this mouth, I thee take.
He tried demonstrating, but paused, agonizingly close to actually sipping
a spoonful.
One does not fall in love with someone because of the champagne they
offer you.
No? But I am a very shallow person, Lutwidge. I prefer surface to depth.
Though depth has its charms, he considered, letting the soup once again
splash back.
Then why did you leave him?
I did not leave him. I merely got out of his coach.
While it was still moving, apparently.
I was trying to convince him... Ghoulrich paused. He shook his
head. There is a plague, you know. Spreading. A sickness not just eating
at the fringes of society but emanating from its very core. The whole fabric
is rotting away.
People always talk like that, Lutwidge demurred. Then they
go on and order their anchovy toast as if nothing had happened.
He is responsible for certain steps, Ghoulrich said. Barbaric
measures suggested to him by soulless bureaucrats. I was attempting to have
him reconsider. I thought I had...influence. I mistook the affection he showed
me for the respect I ought to have been accorded.
And he ignored your advice?
Ghoulrich laughed.
He is of a different order than ourselves. I do not believe anyone had
ever spoken to him as I did, not in his entire life.
So he got angry. He pushed you from the carriage, Lutwidge suddenly
realized, and ran you down. He tried to murder you!
He has a temper.
The cur!
A fit of pique. If you dance with the devil, you must expect to have
your toe trod on, from time to time. He regrets it now, of that I am sure.
How do you know?
Well, the young man smiled, looking at his hand, which alone among
his features was perhaps enhanced by the diseases wan transformations.
It was even more pale and delicate-appearing than before. ...no one
can do without me for very long. This liquid has the temperature, not to mention
the consistency, of tap water.
We will move on to the fruit. Finch took away the bowl and gave
him a cluster of grapes.
Ah:
Cupid and Bacchus my saints are:
May drink and love still reign.
With wine I wash away my cares,
And then... And then... something ...again.
But we were speaking of love. You love her, dont you?
How in hell should I know?
In hell it would be easy. You would pine for her and she would not be
there. You would think of things to tell her and they would die for the lack
of telling. You would see beautiful sights and point...only to discover the
beauty fled when you returned emptyhanded.
In that sense, yes, I do love her.
Then go to her.
If she wants me, she will summon me. Carrier has my address. She says
in her letter not to
Ghoulrich was playing the same game with the grape, holding it up, considering
it first from all sides, which, since it was round, meant turning it constantly,
like a single rosary bead, except now he threw it at Finch with surprising
force, bouncing it off his long-suffering friends ear.
You want to know what I saw in him, Lutwidge? I saw death.
I saw an end to my troubles.
You mean you knew of the contagions existence already?
No. But I knew no good could come of it. That was the appeal. To be
enfolded in blackness. To let evil in. That is the kind of despair you will
face if you do not seek out this girl.
Why?
Why what?
Why were you in such despair?
Ghoulrich slid low in the bed, looking up at the ceiling of the modest flat.
Outside, the sound of Roman children playingthe closest nature comes
to music, or music to nature, for that mattermeant afternoon was giving
way to evening. Soon it would be forty-eight hours since he had taken any
nourishment.
I suppose because the true love of my life was denied me. And, as you
know, I am too stubborn to settle for anything, or anyone, second-rate.
Denied you. How?
By circumstance, Ghoulrich replied. By temperament.
All right, Lutwidge said, getting up. How does one go about
it?
Go about what?
Whatever it is you do.
Ghoulrich looked up at him. Finch stood over the bed, his hands hanging awkwardly
at his sides.
I am sorry, Lutwidge. Bradley squinted, wiping his brow. ...the
fever, perhaps. I do not
You are talking about me, arent you? You are always making these
references. Do you think I never notice? I am not stupid. You make me feel
I am responsible for this current fix you are in, because I did not return
the love you felt for me. Well, come now, exactly what is it you
people do? I may very well be of the same nature as yourself and just not
know it. Certainly the state I am in now affords me no satisfaction.
Ghoulrich began to shake. At first Finch thought it was another fit, but then
he saw it was laughter. Not the hysteria of the previous seizures, just a
long, purging, tragicomic hoot.
I want to make you happy, he insisted, still standing there, refusing
to be ignored, not caringthis, his great virtueif he looked silly,
ready to roll up his shirtsleeves and get to work.
Oh you have made me happy, Lutwidge. Very and very and very. Could I
trouble you for another grape?
But before Ghoulrich could get it down he began giggling again.
Time we were going, Finch said, finally moving.
Dont be offended, Lutwidge, Bradley called, fearing his
friend might be hurt. It is just that my feelings for you are based
on your unattainability. To actually be confronted by your very self, well...
he batted his long lashes, ...it is simply overwhelming.
Shut up and get dressed.
I am not going.
But it was you who suggested I write MacIntyre in the first place.
Yes, you seemed so pleased to read of his marriage in the Times. And
it was such a relief from having you recite the football scores.
I was simply glad some good came of all those odd doings at Tattson
Hall.
I am too weak. I will stay home and eat a grape.
Then I shall stay too.
No, please go. I insist. Besides, I cannot trust myself with you now,
he teased.
Reluctantly, Finch dressed and prepared to go out. But somethingmany
thingsBradley had said, troubled him. He appeared at the doorway to
find his friend staring resolutely out the window.
What are those...barbaric measures you spoke of the government
taking? he asked.
Bradley, unsurprised, shook his head while continuing to look out on the street.
To know that is to die, he answered.
But you are still alive.
Am I? He smiled. There are the church bells. You will be
late.
I would rather stay.
No, he said. Go observe love in its proper, sanctified,
anointed form. Perhaps it will inspire you to act, in regard to Lady T, and
stop pestering me with your juvenile propositions.
You are impossible, Finch sighed, leaving without further goodbyes.
It is my aim, Ghoulrich agreed softly.
He was watching the street, waiting, hoping. He saw Lutwidge walk off below,
in the direction of the Piazza del Popolo. It was crucial that he did not
run into... Ah, there it was, coming from the other direction, thank God.
A near miss, that. He grabbed the window frame, suddenly weak, and watched
the black, shuttered, turreted coach slide silently to a halt in front of
the buildings front door. Charon and his ferry could not have provided
more direct service, he noted with satisfaction.
The room Tabitha stayed in still bore sad mementos of the couples lost
son. A set of snowshoes, the laced network of gut hanging stiff and dry off
a nail on the wall, a stocking cap she had not the heart to remove from the
post at the foot of the bed. They had preserved the room as a kind of shrine,
and yet she was living hereshe felt the awkwardness of the situationsimply
because they needed the money. She came back from her walk and found the mother,
broom laid to one side, fingering mutely a sock.
I am sorry, Tabitha said, making to leave again, as if she had
just stopped in, though of course there was no place else for her to go.
Please, the woman smiled kindly. I was just cleaning here.
I will be through in a moment.
Is that...?
His? Yes. It belonged to my boy. She held it with a rueful tenderness.
I knew I would find it. I have the other one, you see. He was always
losing things. It was just a matter of time before this turned up. It is the
last.
Tabitha had unwound her scarf while the landlady spoke. There was nothing
unusual about the sock, it was plain and blue, once darned, but perhaps because
the topic was so painful both women looked at the sad, slightly absurd object,
rather than at each other.
The last? Tabitha ventured to ask.
The last thing of his I will find, the mother said. Everything
is accounted for now. I can put it in a box I keep, with its other.
Would that I could pack the past so neatly away, Tabitha brooded.
That night, she broke into the Grand Hotel.
It was an insane thing to do and that was the chief reason she did it. Without
fanfare, without noticing it herself, she had at some point crossed an invisible
line and left everything she had ever been taught, all standards of taste,
all calculations for the future and considerations of the past, behind. What
does it matter she asked, to try and be correct when I am so hopelessly
flawed? It is like dressing up a monkey in proper clothes. I am bad, and the
only way I can express my nature is to act badly. The proof, she felt, was
in how good she was at it. Who would have thought the delicate, sophisticated
society girl Tabitha de Bourneville, wrapped in a dark cloak she had silently
borrowed from her hosts, could have climbed halfway up the mountainside, darting
in and out of starlight, evading the tramp of the towns solitary constable,
made a quick circuit round the hulking structure of the Grand Hotel, found
its one vulnerable spot and, with that same gloved hand Fusiliers had vied
to lead out onto the floor for the evenings first quadrille, smashed
the small pane of glass above the doorknob and let herself in?
Had I only realized my talents earlier I would have planned robberies on a
grand scale, she smiled, recalling a reception she had once attended at which
the Crown Jewels were worn.
She glided down the narrow, carpeted hallway. She had not brought a lantern
and the darkness was complete, but, We have been here before,
she told her mother, whom she carried inside her like an unborn babe. Tabitha
was one of those children who realize early on that they are more mature than
their parent and must, in fact, take care of the older one, as if their natural
roles were reversed. One can hardly blame her, then, when the opportunity
arose to ally herself with someone for whom she had true feelings, Lutwidge
Finch, that she shied from the commitment, as a horse does before a dangerous
jump. The natural inclination to strive for ones own happiness is, in
such an upbringing, frowned on, since it means a corresponding separation
from the needy parent. Besides (not so coincidentally), in the myth she pieced
together from her mothers forlorn ramblings, marriage had seemed the
tragic misstep. All before had been glittering and glamorous, full of promise,
and what followed was one long fall, leading to the unhappy creature who lay
weeping in the young girls arms. Hardly a good example for one whose
only prospects lay in matrimony. And here, on this very spot, is where it
had all gone wrong.
This must have been the lobby, she realized, as if she were excavating some
long-lost tomb of the Egyptians. As with the casino, there was covered furniture
and ghostly chandeliers seeming to grow down from the ceiling like a caverns
dripping stalactites, but the scale was more grand, more appropriate to the
seat of some minor principality. She felt her way along the white countertop
of marble which lined one side of the room and laid her palms flat on the
surface, trying to pick up faint echoes of the past. Suddenly they came to
life, possessed with a secret knowledge, and hoisted her high on top of the
desk. She had never been in a more unladylike pose, straddling the thick marble,
gruntinghearing the sound of fabric tearingbefore pushing herself
off and landing on all-fours, crouched like an animal low on the other side.
If someone finds me here I will kill them, she promised, and no
doubt would have, with her bare hands if necessary. Her eyes, undergoing the
same feral transformation, were able to make out rows of enormously thick
leather-bound volumes occupying an entire wall. Old registers. Striking the
matches she had brought, she found a lamp and turned the wick down so low
only a tiny trickle of yellow escaped. Still on the floor, she pored over
the volumes. The time of her parents honeymoon, so deeply emblazoned
on her memory, now appeared in faded ink and stiff, greenish paper. The pages
gave loud crackling sounds as she turned them. Where are you?
she asked, and there, as if in response, they were: Sir Richard and Lady Esme
Bourneville, London, England. Once again she pictured them, suave and elegant,
with many pieces of luggage, still flush with the excitement of each others
company, eagerly awaiting the chance to be alone. Her trembling finger, trying
to send a caress back twenty years, followed the loops and slashes of her
fathers signature. It travelled with loving tenderness across the page,
as if speeding them on their way, to find what room they had taken. It would
be the Bridal Suite, of course, about whose views her mother had such strong
opinions. But a surprise awaited Tabitha. Two numbers were written in the
space, and below them, yet a third room, on a different floor, was indicated,
with the notation, Nurse. Then, in another hand and ink entirely,
printed in block letters by someone unused to or too important to bother with
fine penmanship, was this bald announcement running along the bottom of the
page, well outside any margin: Child born, 26 January, 11:53 PM,
followed by a knot of indecipherable initials. It picked up again, an inch
later, with the afterthought: Christened Tabitha, 27 January.
Not a honeymoon, then, but a confinement. Not a marriage for love, but of
necessity.
We create our world an instant before stepping into it. There is, bustling
ahead of us, a kind of host, smoothing paths, adjusting furniture, ready to
whisper peoples names into our ear. How else could we go on? We would
be stunned senseless, as Tabitha was now. It is only in those rare moments
when the host part of our consciousness falls down on the job,
when we walk smack into a door we could have sworn was swung back, or are
faced with a hideous reflection claiming to be ourself, that we glimpse the
utter strangeness of a universe invented afresh each instant, and realize
how impossible life would be if we did not take 99.9 percent of our experience
on faith. But walking into a door, seeing ourselves as others do, these were
only distant analogies to what Tabitha was feeling. It was not just realizing
that what she had grown up believing to be true was false, but that the woman
whose ghost she fancied she held in her bosom, the man whose ever-youthful
face hung in the shrine she tended daily, these constants in her life, were
now revealed as grotesques, rubber-masked demons mocking and taunting the
silly schoolgirl pictures she had drawn of them. We are alive!
they sneered, as you, apparently, are not. Our world did not revolve
around you. We did not come together just to bring you into existence. Rather,
you were an accident who ruined our lives. Yes you, Tabitha, are what happened
here, the horrible mistake you came looking to find, and this, now, is our
revenge, this: your life of guilt and shame.
Did she know this sudden malicious vision was just as distorted as the earlier,
more fanciful view of her parents? Perhaps, on some bloodless, rational level.
But to someone who has just realized her ageher very birthday!is
not what she has always taken it to be, such philosophizing was cold comfort.
What hurt worse was the haunting sense of having known all along, instinctively.
This new knowledge fit in so neatly with her own feelings of unworthiness!
It was as if all that she ever feared could go wrong, had. She was beyond
tears. She stared at the evidence. It could answer no questions. It could
provide no detail. What was there to do? She replaced the book. She blew out
the lamp. One is building a house, a home to live in, ones entire life,
and now realizes a mistake was made at the very beginning, in the foundation,
and that everything piled on top of the initial error must come crashing down.
Does one start again? That adoring, impressionable, wide-eyed girl lapping
up stories of the past like mothers milk so that they became part of
her, bone and flesh, teeth and eyes, can one become that girl all over again
and start anew? No. Her life, quite literally, the life she knew, the life
she had made for herself, was over.
Mother lied, Tabitha said. It was important to pronounce the words
aloud. In contact with the air they lost some of their poison, were simpler,
easier to handle, than as slippery, eel-like thoughts spawning yet more thoughts,
each an insidious advance on its predecessor. She was pregnant with
me already. The marriage was forced. A shameful thing. That is why, after
Father died, my mother was shunned. Most likely my parents did not even love
each other. What she told me, the stories she dwelled on and embellished so
endlessly, were wishes. Not reality. This is reality. She looked down
at her hand, the glove stained with the soot of her adventure. I am
the engine, she concluded brokenly, of the tragedy that played
all around me. Not the victim, as I so often thought, but the cause. As that
old man said, the fruit of evil.
She emerged from where she had entered, crunching heedlessly over broken glass.
I thought it would be hard to break in here, she mused. Now I see I shall
find it hard to ever leave. All the world seemed tensed, ready for dawn. Smoke
rose from the small rooftops below. For some time she had sensed a chasm opening
between herself and everyday life. The words that issued from peoples
mouths, the actions they performed, seemed increasingly simple and doll-like.
The thought of trudging down the mountainside, of returning to the mundane,
was suddenly repugnant to her. She turned in the other direction, saw the
church, its blocky spire, its spindly cross, and beyond that, what struck
her now as her true home: the oblivion of the upper reaches.
Grape? Ghoulrich offered, as he was thrown against his neighbor
in the clattering coach.
Thank you, no, Inspector Jenkins said. Are you sure you
havent any bags?
Naked I left him and naked I shall return, Bradley smiled. He
gave a brief look down, frowning only at how much of his belt was now superfluous.
Soon he would have to punch yet another hole in the leather.
Inspector Jenkins, finding himself following the stare and gazing with what
might be thought prurient interest, abruptly shifted his attention to the
roof of the coach, where a small sliding panel was open to provide air and
communication with the driver. However, the Prince having insisted on sending
along his personal servant, despite Inspector Jenkins objections that
he would attract notice, all the opening did was frame the mans tightly-outlined
ankle, outlandishly adorned, considering his station and duties, with gold
spurs.
Dont like him, do you? Bradley asked.
I do not know what you mean, sir, Jenkins replied. He did not
quite know how to address this young pup, who treated him quite familiarly,
and seemed to assume a great intimacy with His Highness, despite the fact
that, up until last week, he had been a fugitive.
That is Fauntleroy, Bradley went on, nodding at the jangling anklet.
Not Lord Fauntleroy yet, though he has been bucking for
it. Of course he will buck for anything, if you catch my drift.
I am sure I dont, Inspector Jenkins said, but could not
resist asking, How is it he never speaks?
Why he cannot, Bradley answered, surprised. His tongue has
been removed. Dont you know the story? He was briefly a prisoner of
the Pasha of Alexandria. Certain operations were performed which permitted
latent skills of his to become even more pronounced. Plus, of course, it guaranteed
he would not tell tales. Upon his release he was recommended to...well, our
Employer.
As if sensing he was being talked about, the servants face appeared
in the window. Sullen and coarse, it was rather at odds with his feathered
tricorn and crimson collar. He gazed suspiciously down on the two men.
Fauntleroy, how goes the greasy pole? Bradley called, feeling
in a sunny, reckless mood. He craves preferment. I am an obstacle he
thought he had dispensed with.
He intrigued against you, then? Inspector Jenkins asked, falling
in with the spirit of the conversation, despite himself. It was like talking
to a precocious child or a pet bird. Which reminded him...
Oh, the things he did against me, Ghoulrich sighed. Intriguing
was the least of them, I assure you. But all in all he is stupid, you see.
STUPID, he called up, in case the frankly spying Fauntleroy could not
hear. ...which was lucky for me, since he is also quite ruthless.
The narrow window slid shut.
Are you the owner of a large, bright green parrot? Inspector Jenkins
asked.
A commonly held belief of the day was that the empire had passed its peak
and begun a slow, inevitable decline. Peoples reactions to this varied.
There were those who called for a return to fundamental values, impractical
lurches back to some golden age where citizens supposedly moved in a state
of moral and ethical grace. But for many, the laws of nature had pronounced
their sentence, and all one could do, with a resigned air (with a sense of
relief, perhaps) was shrug and make the most of it. After all, there was something
luxurious about living in an age of decay, if one could just slow the process
enough to avoid witnessing its nasty end. Decadence, previously a weed society
was constantly on guard for, ripping it out at the roots, burning whole fields
at the discovery of even a tiny patch, was now tolerated as a kind of exotic
plant, beautiful in its way, and a useful spice as well, enlivening the tedium
suffered more and more by sophisticated palates. Thus, when word spread of
Lutwidge Finch having eloped to the Continent with a particular
friend, the rumor evoked less abhorrence than one would have thought. There
was shock, of course, and comic disbelief expressed on the part of those who
knew our hero well, but no tidal rise of disgust or call for public prosecutions
as there would have been, say, a generation before. The Member for Suffolk
North had the temerity to make a snide referencebirds of a feather,
that sort of thingbut, strangely, the speech did not appear in the next
days Hansard, nor did the gentleman himself, at subsequent sittings.
This effectively silenced talk of the affair. It was a government matter,
people whispered, about which the less said, the better.
It is perfectly all right so long as they take precautions, the
Baron Tattson grumbled, after his wife had completed her sixth retelling of
the story.
But you do not understand, she wailed. Lutwidge is not of
that persuasion, I am sure of it. Why the last time we spoke he was pouring
out his heart about Tabitha de Bourneville.
They were gazing over the vast, empty ballroom of Tattson House, where the
Baroness had brought the Baron for his opinion on wallpaper, of all things.
Now this one... the she said uncertainly, James, hold it
here, very good...is Wildflowers: jonquils and bluebells and such.
The Baron cocked his grizzled head. James, the houseboy, whom he had insisted
on bringing up from the country to help in his work, strained to hold the
dangling role of pattern higher.
Very pretty, he murmured.
Then we have Stripes...
Mmm.
Crowns.
Definitely not.
And this modern pattern.
At the word modern, which he detested, the Baron was set to veto
without even looking, but the paper itself, once unrolled, stilled his objection.
It was unintelligible in that it represented nothing in nature, but seemed
at the same time natural, as if what it represented could exist, and perhaps
did, but had not yet been discovered or conceived of. He shook his head.
I am going daft. Things are swimming before my eyes.
...which, nevertheless, remained glued to the strange repetition of a central
distorted sphere connected by struts to a rigidly ordered array of other,
even less definable forms. They all floated in space, seeming less mindless
copies of each other than a sea or family of creatures, of planktons or plants,
or...
The Stripes. No, the Wildflowers. Hang it all, he said, making
a joke, the only kind of which he was capable, an unintentional one, I
dont care!
But we must have the room repapered in time for the Royal Ball.
Good God, is that this year again?
I told you just now, the Baroness sighed. Oh, if she had only
married for love. Then by now she would be out of love with her husband and
so would not find his inattention so exasperating. Instead, in thrall to a
slowly-growing affection, she took the old scientists absentmindedness
for a personal slight, rather than a symptom of age and worry. It is
every fourth year. This winter is our turn. And I do not want people sneering
at myat ourwallpaper!
The modern, abstract... he waved a loose, dismissive hand at James,
who, until further orders, was still trembling his short torso to keep the
last, heavy roll aloft. That one.
You are sure?
Positive, the Baron declared. He consulted his watch. Come
James, time for us to prepare the antelope for another round of injections.
Once they had left, disappearing down the spiral stone stair that led to the
underground laboratory, the Baroness rolled out the paper the Baron had indicated.
Not at all what she would have chosen, indeed she could not now remember having
seen it when ordering which samples were to be left. Very odd.
Evening, Miss, a voice said.
She turned, frowning, for it was not a servant. No one had referred to her
as Miss since...well further back than she cared to remember. There was a
man standing in the entrance to the ballroom, a giant, with broad shoulders,
thick arms and legs, and a head of curly yellow hair, liberated from an almost
comically small hat which he held in front of him with both hands.
Yes? she said. You are here to collect the samples?
Well no, Miss. He advanced some few steps into the room, grinning,
having trouble keeping his eyes off the beautiful carved floral ornaments
that graced the ceiling and moldings.
Grinling Gibbons, she said.
Beg your pardon?
The woodwork. It was done several hundred years ago.
Ah, they had the right stuff then, Godfrey Egan breathed, taking
her wary nod for permission to admire the interior more openly. Such
spaces! Why you could feed and clothe twenty families in here. Of course you
would pretty much have to, I imagine, to staff any sort of function. But then
domestics dont really require such beauteous surroundings now, do they?
May I ask who you are? the Baroness said calmly. And how
you got in here, unannounced?
I came up, I did. From near the river. Theres passageways, you
know, between all these old houses. London is honeycombed with them. No one
knows quite what they are here for. Catholics running from Protestants, some
say, or Protestants running from Catholics. Then again, there are those of
the opinion they have to do with excreta. Human waste, you know.
Really? And you are...?
A friend of the working man, he said, pumping her hand before
she had time to snatch it away. His loud, checkerboard-patterned vest smelt
of tobacco, but not gin. I just popped up here to see the room. It is
every bit as pretty as they say, he announced. And encountering
a comely Miss like yourself, well, that is just an additional bonus for me,
isnt it?
I shall have a footman show you out, she said, edging toward the
bell-pull.
Grinling Gibbons. You think if I ever owned a house like this he would
do work for me? Egan took a match out of his vest pocket and began picking
his teeth with it, admiring the ballroom once again, the doors and windows
in particular.
The Baroness turned and covered the last few steps to the cord in what she
hoped was seemly haste. She pulled three times, meaning an emergency, then
wheeled round, ready to fight for her virtue, if necessary. But the room,
despite her back being to the polite anarchist for just a moment, was now
empty. Only a whiff of stale tobacco hung in the air to mark Egans presence,
or absence, rather. His match, like a calling card, lay on the parquet floor,
unignited.